The "Occlivial Couple" is probably the biggest true reason for divorce

Because one person structurally declines much faster than the other.

So as far back as 2018 I remember walking around Manhattan picking out couples that I thought were “Occlivial”.

It was kind of a game I played with my wife. Except she didn’t really play it, only i did. hahaha

I would basically point to a couple where one person had very good structure and the other person had very bad structure.

It was particularly interesting to find older couples where this was the case. As that often meant that earlier in life the couples were in closer proximity structurally, but one person declined a lot faster than the other.

And when that happens, the leverage in the relationship typically shifts to the person who maintained their structure much better.

And oftentimes it will even result in a divorce.

Today i’m going to tell you my “Occlivial couple” theory :)

So what exactly is an Occlivial couple?

As mentioned above it is when you have a couple where one person has very good structure and the other person is not very good.

What I typically see is that these couples form when they are younger and the difference is not as great.

The person with better structure is invariably almost always the more ‘attractive’ one in the couple. And the other person often makes up the gap in attractiveness with intelligence, charisma, wealth, etc.

And so things balance out and neither side has more leverage. They are truly ‘in love’.

But then as time goes on one person declines much more than the other and value starts to stack much less equitably.

One person is much healthier and more attractive. They have become ‘Occlivial’.

What happens to Occlivial couples?

Sometimes nothing. And those are the very good cases.

It is simply that one person starts to look and function much better than the other, but they are still very much in love with this other person.

So they don’t mind that the value is now imbalanced.

Othertimes it rips couples apart. And i have seen this happen a lot over the years.

Particularly via stories with folks I met through TMJ Facebook groups over the years. I cannot recount how many stories i’ve heard of a woman who said her husband left her or a guy who lost his family because of this stuff.

It happens A LOT.

Especially because the person who is in decline often gets a bit obsessed about their health issues and this turns off the healthy person a lot.

Because they just don’t understand what is happening and think that their partner is going a bit nuts.

So as a result they break up. Or if they’re married they get a divorce. And if there are kids involved then the family gets broken up.

It’s sad, but it’s the reality of how structural collapse impacts families.

In fact I think studies will one day show (when society understand this better) that this stuff is probably the #1 root cause of divorce.

Me and my wife are an interesting case study

In a way I kind of consider me and my wife to have been in this boat at various points in the past 10 years. I had gone from being a pretty good looking guy most of my life to being pretty middle aged fart looking.

Whereas she had a body that was better than most models when we met (in 2011) and was still holding up pretty well this past decade as I was going through my shit.

And in a way I could feel the relationship change as a result. I brought less value to the table… plain and simple.

But she still loved me and I brought value in other ways as I’m still the main breadwinner in the family, i’m a lot more strategic than her, and I have always been a pretty good father to our son, even when I wasn’t very healthy.

So our marriage was never truly at risk despite all of my ups and downs.

What to do if you’re in an occlivial relationship?

So this is something I have thought about a lot. In part because I saw myself declining several times over the years and didn’t want to lose my family as a result.

The mindset I took was similar to as if I was sick.

I viewed it as a temporary thing that I was going to change. And I always acted and talked that way.

That I was going to ‘come back’. And that it was just a matter of time.

By doing this I think I also (at least in part) got my wife to view it as helping her husband get through a tough health period. Which ends up being a very different mindset for her than just accepting that this is the way it’s always gonna be.

At the same i’d try not to complain much or start fights during those times.

Because you don’t want to engage in battle when your army is weaker. Hahaha

This shit is strategy after all. You can either view it as such and prepare for it properly… or you can be a victim of it.

And i’m nobody’s victim.

“Reverse Occlivial” is the holy land

So ‘Reverse Occlivial’ is the name I gave when the person who was on the lower end of an occlivial relationship comes back and ends up being on the higher end.

I made up this name to kinda give me hope years back.

That i was gonna come back and not just even the scales but rather take a clear lead. Including being physically better looking.

And when I completely finish my process that is exactly what i plan to do.

Not because I want leverage on my wife… i don’t. I want us to be the couple that looked at each other and at life the same way we did when we tied the knot back in 2013.

Rather mainly because I want control over how my life plays out and I see stacking the chips in my favor as a good thing ;)

Closing thoughts

Some of you may have read this and cannot relate at all.

Perhaps you’re single. Or perhaps you’re in a relationship that is so strong that it is immune to any of this stuff.

But if you’re in a relationship and dealing with this biomechanical collapse for awhile then my bet is that some of what i’ve said above is resonating.

And for those folks my advice is don’t turn a blind eye to it. Because if the relationship or family breaks, then even after you fully recover you often cannot put the family back together again.

Because it will have often been too late.

So recognize reality for what it is and play the hand that is dealt to you. Till one day… you fix this shit and you’re sitting on a royal flush.

Then YOU make the rules.